Practical Tips to Make Small Talk More Comfortable: Practice Them!
Initiating light conversations with strangers can often be a challenging situation. Making small talk more comfortable requires specific skills and approaches.
Becoming adept at creating a relaxed and comfortable conversation isn't just about the words we choose but also about the approach and attitude we bring. Whether at parties, social events, or formal meetings, the following tips will help you make small talk more comfortable.
Embed Questions
Embedding questions in light conversation can be key to making the atmosphere more comfortable. However, it's essential to tailor questions to the specific moment without making them feel like an interrogation or difficult to answer.
For example, asking about someone's hometown or their least favorite job can trigger an interesting conversation. Using questions can also help link the discussion to ongoing events or situations, effectively building connections and making interactions more natural.
Different from situations where attending a social event is concerned. For instance, when heading to a party, think of two or three things to discuss in case the conversation becomes dull. Finding out about the host's hobbies or interests, key guests, or other invitees can help generate relevant questions. This approach can make conversations more enjoyable and open.
"When I'm heading to a party, I try to come up with two or three things to discuss in case the conversation becomes dull," says Debra Fine, lecturer, and author of "The Fine Art of Small Talk," as cited in Real Simple.
"If I've met the host before, I try to recall things about them, such as their hobbies or activities we've done together," she adds.
Avoid Questions about Marriage, Children, and Work
When communicating with someone new or an acquaintance, it's advisable to avoid controversial topics like religion and politics. Additionally, other potentially sensitive questions to steer clear of include asking about marital status or having children.
Another sensitive area for questions is work-related inquiries. Aside from the usual and often cliché questions, these inquiries can lead to discomfort, especially if someone has recently experienced job loss.
Debra Fine suggests using questions like, "What are your activities outside of work or school?" For someone less familiar, it's better to use phrases like "Tell me about" or "Update me on the latest."
Use Topics from the News
To make light conversations more comfortable, it's wise to find topics that align with current news. Real Simple cites Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D., director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast, who recommends seeking conversation topics from monitoring the news, movie reviews, and books.
Bringing up current and intriguing topics from the news keeps the conversation alive and spirited. However, it's essential to avoid controversial topics like politics and religion, which may cause tension, keeping the information exchange light and enjoyable without inviting discomfort.
Focus on Remembering Names
Focusing on learning names is an essential aspect of communication skills. Slowing down introductions to repeat a name after hearing it can help facilitate information retention in the brain.
Recalling someone's name during a conversation demonstrates attention and respect for an individual's identity. Moreover, this approach can help prevent discomfort in conversation, as using a name builds intimacy and familiarity.
"I always repeat a name once or twice after I've heard it," says Cathy Filippini, board member of the Chicago Symphony and a continual fellow at the Art Institute of Chicago, as reported in Real Simple.
"If someone has a name you're unfamiliar with, take the time to learn it," adds Debra Fine.
Read Personalities
While conversing with various people at an event or gathering, situations may arise where conversations feel uncomfortable due to the individual's personality. There are several types of individuals you might encounter, one being someone who has met you several times but pretends not to know you, as explained by Jennie Tung, a journalist and editor, as cited in Real Simple.
Furthermore, there might be individuals who invade your personal space. The third type is those who never stop talking about themselves and never ask a single question about you.
Cathy Filippini also suggests that to deal with the first type, you could confidently acknowledge previous encounters if someone pretends not to know you. For the second type, if someone gets too close or invades your space in a way that makes you uncomfortable, the best way to handle it is to gradually or gently distance yourself from that person.
To handle the third type, if someone is entirely focused on themselves without asking about you, it's wise to gracefully exit the conversation. Knowing how to handle these situations can help you remain comfortable and enjoy light conversations in various social settings.
Respond to Questions Affably
In communication, Debra Fine also recommends responding to questions with friendliness. Treat the conversation as a game aiming to be an active player infusing energy into it.
She suggests that if someone asks how you're doing, and you reply with just "fine," it indicates communication laziness. As an alternative, try providing a more elaborate response, such as sharing an opinion or personal experience related to the question. This approach opens the possibility for your conversation partner to continue with more information.
End Conversations Elegantly
People often prolong conversations because they struggle to find a way to end them. While ending conversations may vary depending on the situation, Diane Windingland, author of several books on communication skills, as cited in Time, suggests introducing the person you're speaking with to someone else.
You can provide positive comments about why they should know each other and then politely state, "I'll let you two get acquainted." This can help smoothly conclude the conversation.
There's also another suggested method by Uma Naidoo, MD, a trained nutritional psychiatrist at Harvard, as reported in Well and Good. You can honestly state that the conversation has come to an end, along with a compliment. This could be a subtle and polite way. For instance, "It was truly nice meeting you. Have a great day."
With a polite and elegant conclusion to the conversation, you can leave a pleasant impression on your conversation partner. Practice the other tips to give yourself more freedom for future light conversations!