How to Repair a Broken Friendship, Apologize!
No matter how close a relationship is, it can still suffer for various reasons. This can also happen in friendships. Generally, friendships can fade due to misunderstandings, lost trust, physical distance that's hard to bridge, or ever-changing life circumstances.
Regardless of what has occurred, the end or breakage of a friendship can create a deep sense of loss, especially if the relationship has been long-standing. Therefore, if your friendship is in a similar condition and you don't want it to end, here are six ways to repair a broken friendship.
Give Time to Calm Down
According to Hailey Shafir, M.Ed, LCMHCS, LC, a licensed mental health counselor and clinical supervisor in Raleigh, NC, quoted by SocialSelf, when conflicts or heated arguments occur with a friend, it's best to take some time and space to calm down. Rushing into communication might worsen the situation.
When enveloped in negative emotions, it's usually difficult to think clearly. Therefore, don't rush to discuss many things.
Take a moment to process negative emotions and reflect on your friendship. Calming down can help you start a conversation calmly, allowing you to offer the best solutions to resolve it.
Understand the Reason for the Friendship Breakdown
A problem won't be resolved if you don't know its cause. Therefore, find out and contemplate what actually happened between you and your friend. Perhaps, the broken friendship resulted from mismatched interests, time, or care. It could also be due to one of you moving to another city, finding a new partner, or starting a new job.
Quoted in Psychology Today, Shainna Alin, Ph.D., a practicing therapist, educator, and mental health advocate, says that the key to repairing a broken friendship is understanding its root cause. This way, you and your friend can both take responsibility for pushing changes toward the better.
"Find out what went wrong to see if there's anything you can avoid in the future," says Irene S. Levine, PhD, a psychologist in Westchester County, New York, quoted by Everydayhealth.
Find the Right Time and Place to Talk
After calming down and understanding what caused the friendship to break, the next step is to find the right time and place to talk. Avoid being pushy; it's better to inform them first and ask if they're willing to talk and when the right time might be.
This is because some people might need more time to calm down. So, make sure that both you and your friend are truly ready to talk openly. On the other hand, choosing a quiet place will help create a more relaxed atmosphere, allowing you both to chat comfortably.
"Try to be a good listener," says Levine. "Honest communication can pave the way to revive a friendship," she continues.
Acknowledge Mistakes and Apologize
If you realize that one of the triggers for the broken friendship was due to your actions or words, it's essential to acknowledge that mistake and apologize.
Don't try to fabricate stories to convince your friend that it wasn't because of you. Think carefully; when you make a mistake and don't admit it, that will be far more painful than being honest.
However, before apologizing, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of "The Friendship Fix," suggests considering what a sincere apology would look like and thinking about the right words before expressing it.
"If not, it could make you and your friend feel uncomfortable, thereby worsening the situation," explains Bonior, as reported by Shape.
Rebuild a Better Friendship
After talking to your friend, you'll have better ideas on how to rebuild the friendship. However, it's important to remember that a healthy and lasting friendship requires mutual respect.
Dr. Alin says that if you and your friend can understand what happened, you can work together to address the problem. While there may be small disagreements, both you and your friend will be more considerate and respectful of each other's needs to avoid repeating mistakes in the future.
Furthermore, Bonior adds that engaging in enjoyable activities with your friend can also help dissolve any awkwardness between you. You might plan activities together on weekends, such as having dinner or going for a walk. The most important thing is to focus on the future, rather than dwelling on past issues.
"Engaging in enjoyable activities will help your relationship get back on track, so you can move forward without thinking about problems," says Bonior.
Be Patient and Let Time Decide
Even after apologizing and committing to rebuilding a better friendship, it doesn't mean that everything will work out overnight. Sometimes, the pain and disappointment might still linger, even if you've forgiven.
"Rebuilding relationships takes time. Just because you've apologized doesn't mean your friend will forgive you immediately, and everything will quickly return to normal," emphasizes Carlin Flora, a friendship expert and author of "Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are," as reported by Shape.
If there are still unresolved issues, resolve them promptly. However, remember that not all friendships are worth salvaging, and it takes both parties to rebuild and repair a broken friendship. So, be patient and continue to do good because time will determine the outcome of your next friendship.
Issues or conflicts are normal in any relationship. Sometimes, conflicts can even make relationships stronger.
It's important to note that it's never too late to rebuild a broken friendship. The key is to acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and both make efforts to resolve issues after an argument. Hopefully, the above methods can be of help.